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Thursday, 27 April 2017

Camellia gets some styling

Camellia had a haircut. She was growing too bushy and fat so instead of shaving her I drastically thinned her out so you can actually see her branches. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing like some combover for a balding male but on her (I think) it looks good. Then she can flower and photosynthesise without looking like a plant that's sporting a green afro. Green afros are the buxus and muehlenbeckias of the plant world. Camellias have flowers that if they are too profuse lose their beauty like a rampant and blowsy flower carpet rose. So I've made her so she can espalier against the wall with her flowers on display. Also now she's got legs I can grow bluebells underneath.

I am getting the hang of this pruning thing. It is like hairdressing. I've now shaped cones of ivy, cut split ends of pony tail palms, removed spiky mohawks from Queen palms, shaved chives, deadheaded hydrangeas, clipped standard roses, removed rats tails from star jasmine, and braided hardenbergia round archways. If your garden is looking a bit sad, the garden stylist (yours truly) will come to the rescue. The plants even get a talking to, they probably hear all the gossip that no one else has heard first.

Some clients are a bit prickly though and take offense at being cut down. Like tall poppies. Personally I never really found poppies take off round here. You can find them in the odd council roadside beds that have been sprayed an inch of their life but they are rarely seen in other peoples gardens which is why on ANZAC day nary a poppy to be seen, everyone is sporting fake ones. Also it is the wrong time of year for them to be in bloom, so why have a poppy day when they aren't even in flower in April?

But then many things don't make sense to me like..why is it people ask me what I do, and can't fathom why I answer oh nothing today it's Sunday. I really ought to tell people to mind their own business and stop being nosy about what I do, because I'm not one of those hustlers who keep banging on about what I do in order to get people's business and then start talking shop when I really just want to have a cup of tea and a scone after church and maybe try and recall what the sermon was.  You have your one day of complete rest and then people have the gall to ask you what you do?

Anyway. Next time am just going to try and make myself invisible among the plants and change the subject and say, wow look at those flowers! Doesn't that camellia look lovely...and people will not bother asking me about what I do.