Thursday 30 July 2015

Land of hope and glory

I've been reading Monty Don. This time about his garden called Ivington, or Longmeadow, or the Jewel Garden. Or all three. I'm not sure, it's confusing. It's his own garden and he writes about it and I'm sure its as riveting to read for non-gardeners as my garden blog is for you. I mean, you don't really care that I garden do you? It's just something for me to do right?

You'd only care if...maybe you got something to eat out of it or could look at pretty pictures right?
I mean it's not as if YOU come here and garden with me, so how will you ever know the pleasure of walking in the garden each morning, seeing how the plants are growing, which ones are doing well, which ones aren't, where they came from, what they are doing here, how the flowers smell, and just to sit still and listen to birdsong, or maybe strum a guitar and dance down the steps, singing Do Re Mi.

I had someone suggest to me, for a job, that I grow vegetables and sell them. I have often wondered what the point of selling your plants would be. I have no idea why people suggest this, I am not a nursery or farmer and don't have nearly enough land.
I have also wondered why people would think I want to garden for them. What pleasure would I get from doing something you don't want to do? I don't think you could pay me to do it...and I'd probably muck it up anyway. And when they mean 'garden' I think they just mean 'weed'. No thanks.

Now Prince Charles might have other ideas. One thing he did was get some musicians in his garden to compose a symphony, and then he had people come and listen to a concert in the garden.
Brilliant idea!

Now, could he have a brilliant idea for me to write an ode to his garden. I would set up a glamping tent near his old treehouse, and while writing this blog, I would also, help him construct some insect hotels. Now, wouldn't that be a fun thing to do? Also, since I'm from the southern hemisphere, I could advise him on his upside down garden to make it a bit more authentic. For example, he doesn't seem to have any paua shells in his garden. That is totally a down under, kiwi thing to have. Aside from tree ferns. He could also, try growing some manuka trees next to his beehives, to make manuka honey. He could also, construct a little river stream sort of near his pond, and have a swinging bridge over it. That would be a kiwi thing also.

If biosecurity lets us, I will kidnap some giant weta from Peter Jacksons studio, and he could have a whole cave grotto full of creepy crawlies from New Zealand. It will surprise all the ladies from Chelsea. They would never expect it of Prince Charles. No..they thought he just wanted an Islamic garden paradise, which somehow survives the winter. But that's no fun for little George and Charlotte. Fountains. Meh. Colourful pots. Meh.

Giant wetas! Yea!