Thursday, 9 May 2019

Living with non-gardeners

I really don't know how gardeners survive living with non-gardeners, or even in marriages, wouldn't it be like sleeping with the enemy? Say you marry a non-gardening husband or wife, and you do all your gardening while your non-gardening spouse doesn't lift a finger to help, but then ruins all your hard work by 'helping' prune, or pull out 'weeds' that are actually the plants you've planted and mows over all the shrubs.

How frustrating would that be. Say you grow all your own veges and fruits buy your spouse refuses to eat them and decides they'd rather live off fast food instead. They spray Round up and concrete over the soil just so they don't have to look after anything outside. They chop down all the trees you've taken years to grow, and chuck them in the creek. They put plastic in the compost bin. Then say it's a waste of time buying plants because they are all going to die. They sell off all the topsoil from a new build and just expect you to plant in rock hard clay.  They think gardening is just your 'hobby' like collecting china cups or making model trains. A harmless diversion that keeps you busy and out of their way.

Non-gardeners then wonder why gardeners get mad at them.

I propose all non-gardeners move to the urban jungle 20 storey apartment blocks  where there are no plants at all except plastic ones and artificial grass. They will need to not wear clothes made from cotton or any natural fibres that come from plants. And they can't eat any green food, or have tea or coffee because that's made from plants. They will need to subsist on a diet of synthetic pills and coca cola.
Their apartment blocks cannot have any furnishings made of wood as that's from trees. They can't read any books only e-books because books are made of paper. They can't even use toilet paper they must use wet wipes. If they are to give flowers, they must be artificial.

I would be interested to see how long these non-gardening people last in a world where there are no gardens. If they destroyed and banished all gardens.... Their parks would be a big rectangle of astroturf and for shade they would need to erect an awning or sail because they obviously don't know how to look after any trees. They couldn't have KFC because it would not taste the same without the 11 herbs and spices ...which come from plants. They would need to use a lot of paint if they want any colour in their world since there won't be any green leaves and flowers, or dyes made from plants.  I suspect it will be quite grey.

After say 1000 years of this no-plant life I'm thinking they might regret chopping down that last tree and poisoning the stumps. Perhaps these non-gardeners will go and visit the trees in that Kauri tree museum and wonder at how anything could actually grow 20 storeys high without being made by man. They might learn to appreciate real flowers instead of seeing replicas and images on their computer screens. And they might wonder what that fresh clean smell is after years of living indoors with Glade spritzing the air. They might then learn what a glade actually is. And that Christmas trees can be real.

But I wonder if they just don't want to be redeemed, at the end of their life instead of being buried in a coffin in the ground, they may prefer to be burned up into ashes and sprinkled in the sea to be eaten by sharks. I'm just following things to their logical conclusion.

I'm surprised that some people would think gardeners are the crazy ones. Its only because non-gardeners drive us gardeners crazy when we have to live with them!