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Saturday, 11 November 2017

Gardener's bootcamp

0700 Hours. Arrive at work, clean boots
0705 Sign in and get keys
0710 Unlock shed and get gear ready
0715 Water outdoor pots 30 minutes
0745 Water indoor pots 1 hour 15 minutes
0900 Organise Garden group, health and safety brief, weed
1000 Morning tea break/smoko
1030 Weed some more
1200 Clip and tidy areas
1300 Lunch
1330 Hoe rose beds
1400 Hoe roundabout and weed
1500 Odd jobs, lock away gear in shed
1530 Sign out, home time!

Then another day from 0900 hours its lawns, lawns lawns until 1400 and then weeding.

Sometimes I get growled at by commander Mr Perfect. "You call that sweeping?". "What are you doing on your hands and knees, use a hoe!" "Jesus woman, can't you start a lawnmower?!"

Reply "Yes boss". "I'm sorry boss" "Yes it looks terrible, I will do it again".

"Get it right the first time. If it's not perfect, you might as well have not done it at all"

"Yes boss".

I go off and quietly cry in the loo.

"What took you so long?"

"I was watering the indoor loos".

"Well I need to know.  Tell me before you do that so I know that's what you are doing. We need to get going. The plants aren't going to clip themselves"

"Yes boss".

"And where are your safety boots? You should be wearing them at all times"

"I didn't want to get their carpet dirty, besides, you haven't bought me any indoor ones".

"What, with all your ten suitcases in the ute? Ow!"

....

My boss gets pelted with roses.