My supervisor is still being picky. And its starting to be a real pain.
I thought about finding another job today.
I don't know why, but got the distinct feeling that, maybe I shouldn't be in the current job I am in. Well actually it wasn't just a feeling, it was because my supervisor said so.
I am not sure what to do about this. I don't really care if the CEO owner of all the retirement villages whom I have never met thinks the garden is wonderful. I only care if the people living there appreciate what I do. Apparently this is wrong.
Another thing I do wrong is I just garden instead of working to contract. But this is because I am not even privy to the contract so have absolutely no idea how much it costs the company for my time, which they have bought off me. I have never seen nor signed any garden contract and thus have no clue of what they have expected or required of me, since, the 'client' is not even someone I have dealings with. I am just the worker. I am not meant to make any decisions, I am just supposed do exactly what I am told. I can't even do that. I can't be a clone. I have a mind of my own. For some strange reason, my mind just resists company brainwashing. Instead of 'Bark bark bark' my mind goes 'Meow meow meow'. It's like we are speaking two totally different languages, and will never get anything accomplished, because its just like the tower of Babel. So we might as well part company.
So I racked my brains trying to think of what I could do instead. I came up with another harebrained scheme, and this was to go permanently permacultural, all by myself.
The only thing is, to do that requires land, and I don't have any. I thought of the wide-eyed permaculture students in my class, many of whom were wealthy enough to afford the course fee and had their own plans for land when they inherited or bought their first property. I thought maybe, after I've paid my dentist bill, I could just...call up Cathy Angel and ask if I can plant another swale of daylilies at Earthsong. That I can handle. In exchange for an hours labour she can feng shui the Church garden. The old tree has been felled.
Dad has retired. I thought I had missed my chance at running away from home. I cannot afford to run away now because my parents are going to need me. This is the plight of children who don't marry or run away. Our parents become our own children. Where would I run to? I once caught a ship that went all the way to Melbourne, but then it sailed all the way back to Auckland. I could have gotten off the ship in Australia and lived as a vagabond beachcomber refugee. Now mum has heard my plans of going to Waiheke Island and invited herself along. She gets the free ferry ride, I need to pay. I came home thinking I need a plan, otherwise I don't know if I can stand another day at work where I walk straight past the garden that's crying 'garden me' and strap on earplugs and numb myself with the weedeater. I saw next door neighbours have cut down their pine tree today. Mum is jumping for joy as she now gets sun in her bedroom. I try to be pleased for her amidst all the chainsaw grinding noise that has given me a headache.
I told my supervisor when I didn't have a job I couldn't even afford to go to the dentist. They would keep ringing me insisting on booking appointments so instead of saying 'Actually I can't afford to pay your bill' I just didn't answer the phone. But now with my bad teeth that haven't been checked for two years, I can make an appointment but it has to be outside of work time. Do dentists work at night? I don't know, I am in too much tooth pain to think about that.
