I am going back to Primary School. As a Year 2.
I am retarded. I have to learn the basics again, and I need to be told twenty times before it sinks in.
Like, how to use a push hoe.
And, how to spread fertiliser.
Plus, how to eat a meat pie without a bib. And plant 10 plants in five minutes.
These things do not come easy for me. Advanced statistics, managing a project, how to index a bibliography, teach bible, read music, conjugate verbs, write an essay, organise an information retrieval system, feng shui a room, leverage a mortgage, produce a radio show, paint a mural, bake a pie, all these things I can do all on my own with excellence. But when faced with a hose with a kink chances are I wouldn't know how to waterblast a path so all the dirt magically never sticks to it. Also, I am not well versed into making weeds disappear just as I walk past them.
Another thing I haven't quite mastered, is the art of looking busy. You would think it would not be that hard to do in a retirement village where no resident has to do any work at all so in comparison whatever you do is ten times as much as an 80 year old could do. Besides, I thought gardening was supposed to appear effortless, and we are meant to make it look easy, like a piece of cake. But no, I have to learn that, you are meant to make it look as difficult as possible, and grunt and strain and sweat so it makes it look like you are doing hard labour and on permanent detention like a PD worker.
Yesterday I was given a thick ringbinder with lots of sheets of paper in it, for my homework. At PrimaryITO school, we all get given Learner Guide booklets to take home, read, and then apply. If we get a tick, that means maybe we can earn a certificate at assembly next time, and may even, get to sit with the teachers on the comfy chairs. One of my assigned projects is to create a colourful bedding display. I am quite good at making colourful bedding displays, with hearts and rainbows but am a bit wary of one helicopter parent wanting to do it all for me. I recently found out that some parents, wanting their child to get the top marks, actually do their homework for them. Well that's clearly not going to happen with me, because mum doesn't have the time to do my homework, the only time I remember her making me anything for school is when she made my ball gown.
I do like going to school but, like any school kid what keeps me going is what I am going to have for play lunch. I just have to make sure I have the right bag, because if I wear the wrong one the big kids will tease me and then I have to walk home all by myself.
