I can't garden today, I have a headachey cold and have only just got out of bed. The afternoon winter sun is streaming through the boggy garden, which has lapped up the rains and now pushing forth eerlicheer blooms. The applemint has grown back and threatens to reclaim my border.
There are plants sitting in the funcargo waiting to be planted at church but I haven't told anyone yet. Kings Plant Barn had a 30% off sale and so snagged
2 King Proteas
Leucodendron 'Plum surprise'
Bird of Paradise
Poor Knights Lily
Gladioli
Christmas Lily
I've also scrounged Japanese anenomes and astelias from the Department of Gardening Division. I just don't have the energy to do anything right now. Besides being the messy person I am, I will probably just make things worse. I got the impression that's what my boss thought of me as I sat under my performance review where he told me 'You've been with us for 12 months by now you should have reached this level and we don't see it' blah blah blah.
I felt some deja vu with my job in the keywording bunker which only lasted 5 months because I wasn't absolutely word perfect by then. I thought of reminding them I wasn't a robot. Plus I now feel I am going deaf AND blind, since I am not meeting their exacting standards. Going to work was just going for punishment and nagging. Oh and I'm supposed to join a gym as well since I can't even lift an overloaded wheelbarrow by myself.
Chastened for not being perfect (tell me something I don't know) my body seized up and gave me a huge headache as I looked for a way out of this mess. Drugs and alcohol? ECT? Lithium? Work myself harder into an early grave?
I asked for more training but it seemed like they were frowning at me thinking I wasn't up to it and it wasn't worth their time and energy. Perhaps they could employ one of the oldies instead who of course know everything already and would never make a mess. I felt like Cain offering up all he had and being rejected because he simply didn't know he ought to have sacrificed a lamb instead.
