Boxing Day Sale (ends 4 Jan)

My shopping list...

Passionfruit vine - will it take this time???
Muelhenbeckia Complexa (am going to grow it along chain link fence)
Thyme - can't have enough, as I'm only a third the way to completing my walk on thyme bed
Chamomile
Arbour to grow the wisteria on. Somewhere there is an arbour and seat with my name on it.
Hebe - seem to do really well in my rocky bed.
Virginia Creeper
Dichondra falls for my wall planters

Something, anything to put under the maple tree. After the daffodils and bluebells die down, all thats left is one patch of liriope, everything else I've tried there shrivels and dies.

Some movers and shakers- muelhenbeckia astonii is now in front of the camellia. Agapanthus stump is now next to the rosemary. Begonias are now with the tree ferns along with more spider plants. Boronia (I think its one, I may be wrong)  is now next to the hydrangea.

Several melons have sprung up so am going to move some to Woodside. Jacqui is going to come with me to Kings Plant Barn and perhaps restrain me from buying too many plants. Honestly I don't think she needs to as Mitre 10 seems to have the better selection and their plants look healthier, they have more tools, and the always seem to be cheaper even when they aren't having a sale. But maybe we will just forgo plant buying and have a milkshake at their fancy cafe instead.

I always see ads asking for baristas to work in their busy cafe, and they always seem to crop up routinely online so I wonder if they have a revolving door of baristas or they just get worn out so quickly they constantly need replacing. Which is a pity, but I do think many people just go there for the cafe and don't bother with the (pricy) plants, having spent all their retirement funds already and are just taking advantage of their Gold Cards. Too bad I trained in horticulture and not hospitality, and can't make a cup of coffee to save anyone's life.

The Do-nothing School of Gardening

I am thinking of enrolling.

Today I read about Helen Dillon's garden. Who is Helen Dillon? She is a world renowned garden writer  and gives her address as 45 Sandford Road, Dublin, Ireland.

It has been years since I've been to Ireland, of which I remember little but bare green hills and lots of castle ruins. Somewhere over the rainbow where the potato fields once were, there is a little island of green where fairies and leprechauns live. Helen Dillon's garden has a canal of which one side is a border of blue, and one side is a border of red. She does not write much about vegetables, nor fruit trees, but seems to be in love with phormiums (flaxes to you and I) and cordylines (cabbage trees) from our native shores. Isn't it funny how the Irish love our plants that we think of as a pesky nuisance. Flaxes grow humungous hummocks and cabbage trees ruin our lawns with their dead leaves.

Other plants that the Irish love are - trilliums, delphiniums, and clematis. Surprisingly, roses do not do well at all in Ireland either (no such thing as an Irish rose) because of the humidity. So I immediately warmed to Helen's descriptions of how roses are over-rated. After reading how Helen grows her tulips in rows of dustbins and how classical garden sculpture is just the aristocratic version of working class garden gnomes, ie. complete kitsch, and how she ends up using the bendy trowel after all the good ones have been lost..I am thinking wouldn't it be nice to invite Ms Dillon over to see our cabbage trees and flaxes in their native habitat, and in exchange I can go over to Ireland and check out the ex- potato fields again. I could enrol in the Do-nothing School Of Gardening while I am at it. It would be an adventure. Then I could write Selina C's Garden Book and rest on my laurels.

I still have some more things to do here before I go though - plant the third ponga fern, mulch the frangipani, and scrape in some more woolly thyme. Kings Plant Barn are having a 25% off all plants sale. (Which means, they are now normal prices). I walked around and around but didn't buy any, as Mitre 10 had the better stock.

Pukeko and a cup of tea

Forgot to mention my brother gave me a pukeko, I asked for Christmas to go with my ponga tree. Am going to head up to the Warehouse later as have a gift card to spend and may see if they have any more ponga trees, I have two, but would like a third (just to complete the trinity).

I also need a wall planner and new calendar, a teapot for one that I can make herbal tea in, and other sundry items. I have been getting into herbs more and finding out more about them, since I have been having trouble with mysterious ailment known as swelling ankles. Apparently, gotu kola is good for them, as is parsley, and herbs that I don't grow but can buy as a tea at the health food store - horsetail, goldenrod, gingseng, ginger.

Other herbs good for tea include peppermint, lemon balm, lemon grass, manuka (have plenty of that) and I do have a camellia sinesis which is the traditional chinese tea. The star jasmine climber that I have growing I'm not actually sure that tea can be made from it. Karyn who is our resident herb lady has been discussing herbs with me on the Book Chooks and I'm finding out all sorts of things. Did you know meadowsweet has similar properties to what we now use as aspirin?

I'd like to learn more like how to make a poultice, how to infuse and make decoctions, how to dry herbs and to make herbal rubs for meats.

I haven't heard back from Auckland Permaculture Workshops, only a generic email saying they got my email and will be in touch shortly. Well sure that was weeks ago. I'm thinking perhaps I will do a course on herbs instead. I better get going - I've shredded another lot of letters. I think there may be more, but they make good mulch, I must say. And much cheaper than pea straw.

If you'd like to come over I can offer a cup of herbal tea and we can sit under the tangelo tree and sip. Dad bought some sausages yesterday so am thinking time to bring out the bbq. But bbq for one doesn't sound like fun. I'm going to have to invite some friends over. Although its a pain having to host and cook at the same time, and Lord knows I can't ask my guests to cook their own food. Unless you want to? Anyway think about it cos I don't have all summer...

Penpals

My paper shredder is doing overtime as its turning letters from my penpals I had from age 8-13 into mulch. So sorry Shelley, Helen, Rebecca, Rachel, Nicole, Karyn, and whoever else answered an ad in the Kid Kiwi or Garfield magazine all those years ago. It was fun reading your letters but as your names have changed and you've probably moved home, gone overseas, married or even become famous you may not remember me BUT if you still have any of my letters the address is still the same and if you do decide to write back to me I will most probably reply!

I still dislike maths and puberty was a terrible hassle, but I got through it. Oh and I gave up netball. My new hobby is gardening so please write and tell me what plants you are growing.
Who knows one day it may be published as a regular column in NZ House and Garden magazine. Two penpals, one from the burbs and one from the country, with two very different gardens... (apologies to Janice Marriot and Virginia Pawsey).

Now Ferndale has become Avondale - it is spider plant populated along with Monsterosa deliciosa or fruit salad plant, to go with my birds nest fern, - all 'sheet mulched' or 'lasagna mulch' with shredded paper,  twigs, hamper stuffing, and compost. I have even found cuttings of 'wandering willie' which is tradescantia by another name...the purple version. I know if it gets out into the bush it will take over, but I'm thinking it will make a pretty ground cover confined to this bed and will do well in the Auckland humidity. I was graciously given three cuttings by the plant in Devonport where it was growing in a tub.

This morning was round two of operation Myra's garden and managed to clear the pots so you can climb up the stairs. I gave her basil and sage to grow in pots and rescued her lime tree by giving it a good soak. I'm not too keen on her spiky yuccas though. I almost got in trouble by nearly discarding her freesia bulbs but Louise found them again and she's going to repot them so next spring they will come back better than ever. Myra surprised us by showing us there is such a thing as 'Figgy Pudding' which you can buy for yourself at Countdown Te Atatu. And so on that note I will wish you dear readers all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Toiling with lilies

Lilies of the field, they toil not neither do they spin..

However I did toil arranging them and spent about three hours getting them just right, thankfully someone had cut some and put some in a pitcher for me to arrange, and all the red canna lilies are cut from my garden five stems, plus all the white christmas lilies in bloom. Margaret offered her hydrangeas and the rest were white agapanthus, wisteria, alyssum and pansies.

So that's church flowers done.

Tomorrow I can have a rest in my deck chair.
Oh wait a minute, I can't. I've been dragged over to family christmas feasts. arrgh.

I have to have a ready answer for nosy relatives asking me what am I doing or am I working and I am just going to say I don't want to talk about work its a holiday. They can look at my CV online if they are so nosy. (Well actually they can't as I deleted it, but I would think the nosy people asking would have sneaked looks on Linkedin if they were really that interested).

However I am most excited at the prospect of working in jail. You see, they have libraries and gardens in jail. And the general public aren't allowed to visit. So if I worked in one, wouldn't have people being rude and obnoxious and asking stupid questions like what am I doing here? They could just look at me and feel sorry that I'm in jail.

Yes. And as for the criminals its much better they are inside than outside smashing up windows and stealing toilet paper when everything is basically provided. I just would need to smuggle in books and seeds. Mt Eden Garden Prison and Library here I come.

Sisyphus

Overgrown gardens...kikuyu, pots that had dried to a crust, a weed filled lawn, not a pretty site but that was what we were faced with as Louise and I tackled Myra's garden today nearly wilting from the hot sun. Louise had prayed for a cloudy day, but there was no obliging as it does rain on the righteous and unrighteous alike, so I suppose it suns as well. (Maybe someone else prayed for a sunny day, and that prayer was more important). No matter we donned our sunhats  and tools and be the end of the morning we had cleared a patch for the weed strimmer/mower to mow.

Our widowed friend had been bed ridden for 9 months recovering from a snapped tendon and unable to garden except for some patio containers containing sweet peas and indoor plants. I found some interesting plants hidden amongst the weed growth - a lime tree, passionfruit vine, a plant that looks like papyrus reed, spring onions, polyanthus, and echeverias. There's a gorgeous Australian frangipani tree smothered in flowers, and the bright spot of the backyard is cerise geranium. Or pelargonium. I'm still not certain which ones are which. There's also raised beds with lettuce, and blueberry bushes.

It has potential. We filled two sacks of weeds. We are going to have to come back next week to tackle the pots on the deck. I will have to research how to get rid of kikuyu as I don't really have that problem in my garden, its more creeping buttercup. Louise's solution seemed to be weedmat, but something will have to be planted there so the kikuyu doesn't grow back. It's ok if it stays in the lawn but not in the garden beds. She had weeded in the shrub border and then it all just grew back, more lush this time. So that is why she's enlisted me to help.

I remember dad asking me to pull up all the kikuyu grass in the lawn and each time I pulled it up, whole strips of it, it would just grow back and I wondered if he just did that to give me something to do, like Sisyphus rolling a huge boulder up a hill that kept rolling back down on him for eternity. I'm so clever, I started a garden... what did I get myself into??? I've heard jaded gardeners give up and sigh I should never have started one so big...such a lot to maintain. I'm just going to pull all these plants out and put in a parking lot. I hear you can make a lot of money charging people to park on your lawn, especially in Auckland.

This is a garden blog. I repeat, a garden blog. Read at your peril.

Socks (and now Mary's) bed has had a makeover.
It is now populated with spider plants, and astelia around the pink cabbage tree. I was out last weekend and noticing other peoples gardens that had astelia in them and realised it actually grows really big, I should plant it somewhere it will have room to spread, because it looks not happy squashed up against a wall as I've seen it's beautiful silvery spear shaped leaves get all crushed.
So now it's in Sock's bed.

It was a bit of a mission to separate the spider plants as they had multiplied in my cane basket, along with potatoes (unusual companion planting, but it seemed to have worked because I got six potatoes from it) but once free I found I had enough to cover the wide area and it looks like it will work.
My spider plants were originally taken as a pup from one of the plants at Henderson Intermediate! When I was at school there. I took an interest in plants back then and it grew on to become more over the years, esp when I chucked it down the back beyond the fence and forgot about it. Its like the plant that never dies. It does get frost bitten an sun parched but in the right conditions it flourishes, and this is generally in a sheltered, semi shady position.

I don't really have indoor plants because I don't always remember to water them - when they are outside they get free rain...so my home isn't like a conservatory. Also I don't really have the room, preferring fresh cut flowers instead.

The spider plants are the stripy variegated variety but I also have a few plain green ones that grow more spiky than floppy or droopy. I have shifted these that were flowering to a better position and plan to extend my fernery now I've got more greenery as they were right beside the driveway and thats annoying if they grow big and you have to cut them back.

Also I have removed one of the chicken wires I had put up to stop chickens digging up beds down the back now my renga renga lilies have grown (and bloomed), along with the canna and now ginger lilies. It was looking a bit messy and overgrown where the grass hadn't been clipped back and the creeping buttercup had tried to take over. I will need to remedy this border with a plant that makes good edging but not sure what yet.

So there we go. I had shared the last two posts on Facebook and, one person liked it! Thanks Buffie for reading. Because I know other people will say to me if I send them rambling garden diary updates. Uh. I don't care about your garden. Stop. Or better yet don't garden at all. Its annoying. Even when they've asked me to blog about my garden to them. Huh. Is this a blog? Yes!

Working Snail

Jacqui called yet another working bee in the garden this Saturday but I was scratching my head didn't I come to one last week? Surely there can't be any more work to do! We are only meant to have one a month. I said can you please call it something different not working bee maybe working snail as..I'm a bit slow.

Well I'm glad I went because we harvested 200 potatoes. Swift and Rocket were the early potatoes which had flowered so we call got to take some home. Mum has now hidden them away where I can't find them. I knew I should have bought a potato bucket. I saw them at Kmart a set of three tins, one for potatoes, one for onions, and one for garlic. But I wasn't sure where I would put them and if mum would tut tut again at my sacrilege at disturbing the kitchen aesthetics. She does not like me tidying up or moving things around. Even though we share the kitchen, apparently its not even mine and I can't touch anything and if I move it I must tell her or ask permission. This is to avoid meltdowns like Christmas morning where, I am reprimanded for not helping out prepare lunch and sitting there kinda agog that it's actually Jesus birthday celebration that everyone is now having even if you don't believe in Him. I could always hide them in my wardrobe cupboard?

Instead of Secret Santa do secret potatoes? I wonder what this gift is, hmm suspiciously wrapped in foil and looking potato-like in a sack. It couldn't be easter eggs could it??

In other news my collapsed hugelkultur bed is now a flat lasagna sheet no dig bed since melons and pumpkins are coming up of their own accord anyway, and I have put climbing frames up so that they don't sprawl all over the lawn. The lasagna layers are..wet paper mulch fettucine, courtesy of electric paper shredder of documents past their use by date, like old university assignments from fifteen years ago. Or even..expired library registrations. Then on top of that, grass clippings mulch that has been moldering in the compost bin. And finally a layer of comfrey leaves. Repeat the layers and until you run out and then put cheese on top to melt. Oh sorry I must be thinking something different.

Flowers at church tomorrow, which might just be agapanthus, flax, fern leaves and licorice plant as my sweet peas have nearly all finished and now have powdery mildew. I know, poinsettia is meant to be plant de jour but at $20 -$40 a pot I think not. I was reading this American gardening book called 'right size garden' about downsizing a garden and the author suggested if you can't get hydrangeas blue, just spray paint them with floral spray. Tip - don't read american gardening books they will drive you nuts with their naivete. This lady just collected all these plants and put them all over the place and then they grew and she couldn't maintain them. This is what she learned..plants are not children or pets. I repeat plants are not children or pets. You are allowed to pull them out if they die! If I recall astroturf was an american invention, as I suspect are fake christmas trees and artificial flowers.

More work!

Lo and behold, more work to do in the garden, this time planted three thymes, one silver to go with my silver spear astelia, a pizza thyme and a variegated lemon thyme. Another native fuchsia to go on my fernery as a ground cover after mulched with Living Earth mulch mix. It said on the packet 'be the envy of your neighbours, when they see you and your awesome garden just smile and wave'.
My neighbours do not smile and wave at me on that side of the fence, they seem to be caught up lifting weights I hear them grunting in their makeshift garage gym.

I had one neighbour across the road smirk at me and say 'alone in the garden again' she's only nine but I will just ignore her judging, because  I don't see any garden where she is just bare lawn which her mother has to mow.

The neighbours who's dog mauled Mary are keeping a pretty low profile.
But on the other side I have two neighbours who do smile and wave at me so something must be working.

I have decided to put more herbs in my garden and have bought a gotu kola as heard it's good for curries and general health. It says to plant near a pond and keep moist so will keep near my birdbath as got no pond.
Found what appears to be juniper or it might be native coprosma groundcover at Countdown growing luxuriantly so pulled a cutting to plant in my rockery area. Thank you Countdown.

I have now joined Facebook (again) and see that I could share this post on Facebook if I wanted to but not sure anyone would really be interested because half the time I don't even look at all the cat videos posted there let alone blogs about gardens. (Nobody has any, perhaps I will be the first in my circle of friends), although I do notice Woodside Garden has been putting up pictures of me all the time on their blog and probably talking about me and tagging me on Facebook and I have no idea.
So...if you are bored and have nothing to do please read Rambling Garden Diary and be amused or inspired or possibly horrified at what I've been up to. I will add some emoticons for good measure. 😀😀😼😽😾😻

Pohutakawa trees in bloom

Feels like summer is here at last and time to get my bbq out.
Church flowers this week were yellow lilies, bird of paradise, gunnera, pohutakawa, bearded iris, lavender, wisteria and sweet pea.  Next week I am sure my lillies will be in bloom so it will be nice to have them. I did pop into Kings just to spy out what they offered in terms of christmas blooms but poinsettia was selling for $20 a pot! Or $40 for a large one. They also had tahiti metrosideros (or dwarf pohutakawa) for $20 as well. All nicely wrapped with a ribbon and basket but...I was thinking they just don't last. Both those plants were forced blooms and you can't plant them out in your garden as they just seem to rot and die.

Am not sure what the deal is with red blooms and bracts as I think bougainvillea is just as pretty in magenta. Anyway. I still see this obsession with pine trees indoors in summer and I really think it's got to be a joke. Pine trees belong in the forest not in your living room! And once they die well they don't make good bbq kindling and its too warm to light a fire in summer indoors. Please people have some common sense?!

If you want a tree for christmas plant a kowhai or a ponga!

Yesterday I planted astelia 'silver spear' in the rock garden kitchen side, and also bought another Breath of Heaven as was only $5 to go where rosemary seems to have died. Its just a bare patch underneath my bedroom window. As it has a lovely fragrance and says to plant near a path in  full sun maybe it will thrive there. If can fully get rid of the black plastic 'mulch' that was from the 70s as am pulling up screeds of it and the soil underneath is just clay. You could use it to make pots. I am thinking of just piling loads of compost, twigs and plant material on top and not digging at all. This is what you have to deal with when inheriting a garden someone else has made.

Disasters such as weedmat, plastic mulch, and camellias planted in limey soil. Well I think it might be limey as the hydrangea next to it is still pink.  Thorny flower carpet roses everywhere, grapes planted where there's nowhere for them to climb, a wisteria that actually needs a support stronger than a chain link fence - I'm going to have to find an arbour soon. Maple trees that mean in a landscaped bed thats supposed to be full of flowers (thorny flower carpet ones) but nothing much will grow under a thirsty maple tree. Coprosma that attracts flies. And ginger lily that gets scorched by the sun and we have to keep hacking it back, then it gets frosted and for months of the year it just looks a mess. I am still removing shoots but thankfully most of it is in a more suitable spot.

So yeah. Christmas trees and their fake decorations are the least of my worries. If you have one good for you but personally I wouldn't bother. Find a tree you actually like and will look after all year and grow that one is my advice.

My first client

I had a client asking me for gardening advice, and may even have a planting project for autumn!
As she was from Egypt and recently moved into the area which came with a small garden I identified the plants and what she could do with them. The exciting thing is she has a small pond with waterlilies, in her sunny courtyard type garden which has a patio, flowers, ferns, trellis, even lighting built in. I envisage jasmine growing over the trellis, bromeliads in a shady corner by the silver fern, more herbs like parsley, lemon balm and mints, a lemon tree in a pot, and perhaps some reeds growing near the pond with goldfish. Her front yard is a pebble garden that was landscaped with weedmat, and there are several mix of plants randomly placed by her letterbox.

I recommended for a beginner to start with herbs, as they are easiest to grow, and using seaweed as fertiliser and mulch, a few basic tools like a trowel, gloves and watering can. Strawberries and lettuces in pots to start off with (no tomatoes, too much trouble for someone who works full time and only limited space) and of course, easy care natives. She had a flax bush growing near the pond which may end up too big for that space, and several antirhinums or snapdragons, pinks and begonias which, while doing well were not really her cup of tea. She loves white flowers. I think jasmine would give a wonderful display full of scent for a scented night garden (full time workers coming home at the end of the day) just like those Brits who wanted a garden makeover on their flat backyards. They always wanted a garden they could invite friends over for drinks (in her case, peppermint tea). Also one that would be safe for her toddler to play in.

So now feeling inspired perhaps she will get growing (armed with copies of Weekend Gardener and NZ Gardener magazines. So thanks to the previous homeowners who left this garden for the new owners to look after and not a bare plot with weeds (like next door!).

Epsom Salts and Imagination

Epsoms salts are wonderful for plants giving them a boost of magnesium, especially for tomatoes or citrus, and gardenias showing signs of yellowing leaves, in fact many plants can benefit. Its very cheap and you can buy a packet for $2.80 at the supermarket.

Another thing with Epsom salts is its nice for the bath to relax in. I worked on Friday for five hours on my feet so by the time I got home I was needing to put my feet up and soak. (Hooray I found a job at last!) My workplace even had a herb garden out the back so I was picking thyme to put with a platter of bread loaves.

Yesterday we had another working bee down at the garden, Jacqui planted basil and more capsicums. I clipped lavender and moved calendulas. Today I'm going to be cutting roses for church and possibly even might (sacrilege) go to King Plant Barn and buy two poinsettias as pots plants to go in the church, because, my flowers don't last that long in the summer heat! Besides yesterday when I went to tidy up the flowers, noticed they had put up a (fake) christmas tree in the church, and decorated the ceiling with snowflakes. How will my summer flowers compete with this wintery theme?

I thought of picking potato flowers but then decided against it, as with my herb rue which is in bloom now, as people might not appreciate those kinds of flowers in church (it looks suspiciously like a weed). I really don't know, if I introduce a beach theme people might get confused with the tropical flowers and then pine trees and snowflakes and it will cause cognitive dissonance, as this is a Presbyterian Church so maybe the Scots are winning in the decor area even though much of the congregation is from the Islands...

At the Baptist church they had dracenas as indoor pot plants and yucca 'architectural plants' like you would find in a generic office building, and a few fake flowers. If I were interior designer for a church I think I might have to say, well hey you can't just put anything in its got to have a theme and I'm sure God didn't ask for spiky plants with thorns and thistles, when He had the temple it was decorated with pomegranates and palms.

But what do I know. Max had an idea for the garden at Woodside that we could put up a concrete wall and a barbed wire fence. A prison garden perhaps? He said we needed a fence. I pointed out that we already have barbed wire in the form of blackberry brambles on one side.  What about planting sweetcorn all around the perimeter instead. We could have a maize maze!

What I really like is the Tree Church which is down in Waikato I heard there was this church made entirely out of trees. If I ever get married (hmm not likely) I would want to get married in the tree church. Even if it's all the way in Waikato. Who knows maybe my future husband is from there and we could just sail down the Waikato river on a lilo for our honeymoon like one crazy guy did once to fight off depression. We could stop at the Hamilton Gardens and get our photos taken with the roses.

After that who knows. Imagination is a powerful thing.

Decorating with bougainvillea

While everyone else is buying fake christmas trees I have been shopping for bougainvillea.
This it for my dry corner down the back where the chain link fence meets the wooden fence. I found a wonderful white one with a blush or apricot/peach in the flower bracts. I will train it along the fence as a backdrop to jacaranda, manuka and all my other border plants.

I found it at Mitre 10 and got to chatting with a lady who said she looked after 400 roses at the Parnell Rose Gardens. We agreed that Auckland is too humid for roses and they all unfortunately succumb to black spot. She did give me tips on where to find rugosa roses, which are very hardy and not prone to black spot, but you need to order them from the South Island. The only time I have done mail order plants is for a few ferns and Kings Seeds, and they were all a bit hit and miss. If you are buying plants I would recommend your local garden centre first, so you can assess them right there and then, and they would, the majority of them, be fresh and acclimatised to the local conditions.

There were many bougainvilleas on offer, some very vigorous, some variegated, and a few dwarf ones. I am not so sure about dwarf varieties, of course, for an easy care plant perhaps its good in some situations but then I thought bougainvilleas would just not be the climbing plant they are meant to be if they are dwarfed. It would be like having a dwarf sunflower, might as well grow daisies instead.

(Sorry dwarfs, maybe I'm just not a compassionate Snow White type). Anyway I was quite pleased with my purchase and planted straight away, and then hooray it rained last night and this morning so the plant will settle in nicely. I am risking the wrath of mum because a) bougainvillea is NOT a tree b) it can be trained easily c) if I didn't plant anything there the ivy and sundry weeds would take over.

And how can she ignore the gorgeous display it's already putting on? Better than a tacky ol' christmas tree any day. Besides, pohutakawas are flowering now, they are early, but they are putting on quite a show. 'Tis the season!

My Day Job

I never know what to say when people ask me what I do so have now fixed that I will say my day job is gardening. Because when I say 'librarian' people's eyes glaze over and then they ask me what my favourite book is and I can't tell them. I read so many I can't just pick one that is my favourite. If I say  'Revelation' which is by the way, a really good book, I never know how they may react. Then I might venture to say what current book I'm reading but the people that ask me of course don't read any books themselves and start talking bout the Kardashians. I have no clue and don't really care if one of them lost 100 pounds but apparently its really important to keep watching them in case they do lose more.

But one thing I must share was that I won a prize last night for being producer of the Book Chooks. And God must have been trying to say something because my number got picked and I also won a hamper of goodies at the Micie Awards. It was like winning an Oscar. My acceptance speech was pretty short, it was like 'what a surprise, thank you!' hug and kiss.

Anyhow, back to my day job.
At 900 hours I am going out to do check my plants are doing ok and surviving.
Tasks for today include mulching, and I have bought two paper shredders for the task of turning useless assignments into garden mulch. One I found at the Op Shop for only $12 that does three sheets at a time, you feed the paper and the machine chomps it up into shreds. The other I found on trade me a hand shredder in which you turn the handle which also chomps paper into fettucine. Goodbye bills, assorted junk mail and letters asking me for money that I don't have. Sayonara love letters that never got replied to. Ok well maybe not the last one, but you know, if I don't send any I won't receive anything.
This year I sent an email to Santa in case, if he still thinks I'm good, he may decide to give me a subscription to NZ Gardener. Well dad seemed to be helping Santa and next thing I know he's already ordered me a years worth. ?! So maybe if I have extra copies I can give them to friends.

Staying on task, I will need to check the coral peas are climbing in the right direction. I have removed the sweet peas as its starting to get too hot for them and half of them are now mulch. It might be next week my Christmas lilies will be in bloom as they are budding now so I will have these flowers for church.

Morning tea/smoko. This is a cup of tea with a biscuit, usually a ginger nut.

Next task is checking Martha hasn't run away and she might have left us a squashed egg. Then mail call, usually something from the neighbour which means its necessary I write something back like 'It's cloudy today, and I haven't done any christmas shopping as I have no extra money' because this neighbour is still in bondage to the idea of Xmas shopping for every single person he's ever known.

Lunch time. Which, for gardeners is usually a takeaway affair as we can't all be cooks at the same time as gardening. But if I'm not gardening I will spend time cooking. Yes the division of labour is something that needs to be looked at.

Then siesta, because who in their right mind would garden in the middle of the day under the blazing sun. Only crazy people that's who.

Afternoon shift is spent reading and studying gardening books. And then by the time I'm finished its tea time, bathtime and ready for bed. I get paid a sum total of $0. But I'm not complaining, because who needs money when you have a garden. Plus, its not as if I have to walk far to work and pay for parking. Unlike SOME jobs - Auckland Public Library I'm referring to you.

John Key can now spend time in his garden

Well, heard the news yesterday and wasn't it funny that I mentioned his wife the other day that she ought to write a gardening book?

This is great news as now he can clip the topiaries affecting world trade and won't need to pay someone else to do it. I think it would be therapeutic for him. He could even come over to our electorate and check out our community garden now he has time and learn some tips about growing his own veges, instead of building monuments to state housing that nobody can live in.

Who is going to be the next Prime Minister who can say, but I'm glad Helen Clark has another job and won't be coming back to New Zealand anytime soon.

As I am on my very extended sabbatical, I was thinking what I would do if I was called to the top job.
If I was Prime Minister.....

4 Seasons

Sherry, sherry baby
Walk like a man
Big Girls Don't Cry
Oh what a night!

I sometimes wondered, in an alternative cartoon universe, being in a singing group which consists of three altos and a falsetto. One of the vocalists would be my cat Socks singing Bee Gees style. I am not sure how this would work but it would be kind of like Jackson 5ive because even they were a cartoon. We would sing the above songs and would become really popular stand ins for the real 4 Seasons who are now too old to play live gigs.

I digress. It has just poured with rain and then it's sunny and hot again so really Auckland weather has been acting strange again. Last week it was cold and windy. So we have 4 seasons here but usually in the space of a day or week instead. This used to drive me nuts but I have gotten used to it plus having different outfits each day helps. So what if I'm wearing my puffer jacket with shorts, the weather can't make up its mind. When it's cloudy I lie down with a headache as my brain thinks...no blue sky, God can't see me and doesn't mind if I have a rest. He doesn't want to bother with Auckland today.

In between spells of seasonal affective disorder which I have disguised as manic gardening, I have been thinking of this quiet garden movement which I'm not really meant to publicise or talk about, since the whole thing is people quietly gardening so people don't even notice. This would be nice because I am so sick of lawnmowers and chainsaws and leafblowers and hedge trimmers and other noisy accoutrements of modern day gardening i.e trim everything like its a barbershop. Maybe its just a guy thing that everything should be shorn and they are just extending it out to grassland and trees.

Well my garden is meant to be au naturel. It maybe the difference between the barbers and the hairdressers, really, but I feel that in gardening everyone tends to think its the barbers that are the gardeners when actually the barbers just have no style and are lazy and its the hairdressing gardeners who are the wildly creative ones. The problem of being a wildly creative person is when someone says you can't do something and tries to stick you into a barbershop job or worse... suggests look just work in an office. Stop being so wildly creative. Stop dreaming and pay your taxes like everyone else does.  Arrrrrgh.

More rambling

The church flowers were wilting by the time I got to church. What, had I not wetted the foam? Maybe not enough. Or maybe I didn't cut the stems at the right angle. But I don't know if anyone noticed that much. The sweet peas were fine as were the flowers in the vase, but that floral foam, well, I don't know. I might have to rethink those displays. Ok for a first attempt.

I made a quick exit and thought, well these church members are very forgiving.
Unlike some church members who are offended at every little thing. But I have learnt to avoid them plus you can't please everyone all the time. Els the floral queen was away in Fiji where I expect she has a hibiscus in her hair everyday. But the good thing is Marie has offered her rose bushes for next week, if I help her with morning tea (or rather, in this church, is more like lunch).

Anyhow, with Christmas around the corner I'm not sure I can compete with fullblown tinsel and snowmen and reindeer and fake pine trees. But my display did have a red and green theme.

Some melons or pumpkins have appeared as shoots in my former hugelkultur bed. I pointed them out to mum. She, to my surprise said leave them, so maybe I will get a vege bed after all growing right out of the lawn. We went for a walk to Woodside where I thought maybe we would have a harvest but we didn't take anything.

I am going to bone up on permaculture, and hope to hear from the APW course people soon, but it seems like they are not replying. Perhaps the course is so popular that they have to turn people away. I don't know. I thought I would write a book called Four Seasons In One Day - Gardening in Auckland.

Or 'Bermaculture'. If the Auckland City Council get wind of it they might issue me with censorship fines and higher rates. Of course Oprah's Book Club would not have it, but Book Chooks might. I think it was great that Michelle Obama actually wrote a gardening book. I wonder if Mrs Trump will write one. I can't imagine John Key's wife writing a book about gardening as I've seen their front yard in Parnell and I don't think the state of the nation can depend on getting your swirling topiaries going in the right direction. But maybe I am wrong. Maybe in New Zealand they can only go anti-clockwise whilst in the northern hemisphere they go clockwise and this affects world trade. Who knows?

More rambling gardening madness.

Church Flowers

This morning I am going to pick all the flowers for church. This is daunting as never done it before and will I have enough flowers? How do I arrange them?

Thanks to the library I have borrowed a book called 'Church Flowers' by Judith Blacklock and it shows you how to do them plus with tips although this church is not one of those traditional nave and pew type church. Thank God! (It would look completely amateur if it was one of those). I think they are ok with more contemporary/minimalist styles. Well He asked ME to do them not a professional florist so...

So I have buckets and a baby bath and pipe cleaners and secateurs and vases, I will need some of that florist foam and just anything that would make a good arrangement. I have set myself a challenge that I will use only real flowers and foliage.

If I do need help I suppose I can call a friend who did used to be a florist although she said when she was working as one it was quite hard work. I can imagine, as having visited a rose factory on my field trip and seen those huge bunching machines, cold stores, plus knowing florists have deadlines to meet (all those weddings and funerals) and only picking the very best. I don't have tricks like ethylene or silver nitrate to chemically induce flowers to last forever, but it is only for this month and it really only needs to last the Sunday when everyone is gathered.

These are the flowers and foliage that I will pick-

sweet peas
lambs ears
licorice plant
lavender
ivy geranium
magauerite daisy
busy lizzie
cyclamen in pots
manuka
fern fronds
begonia
fruit salad plant leaves
sweet william
rosemary

Sorry I do not have roses, hydrangeas, lilies,  camellias, orchids, gerberas, sunflowers or any of the fancy flowers the florists have. It is going to be small and beautiful even though churches often require bold displays of huge flowers. But maybe I can cut a few flax leaves from Pak N'Save. After all they gave us the rosemary. Mum took a cutting from the old Pak N' Save roadside planting and it just grew into a huge bush. Thanks Pak N'Save.

No more job hunting

I have decided job hunting is a waste of time. Let the men do that. I am going to just gather rosebuds while ye may.

Last night I had come upon a brilliant idea to become a hack writer and write screeds of words while charging people money to read these very words. I will call myself a journalist and go freelancing up and down the nation writing garden critiques. Might even take a few pictures on my ipad and also, make money from selling these very photos to stock libraries who will keyword these pictures with 'paradise' 'eden' 'oasis' so that when someone really needs a photo and their garden isn't up to scratch, they can just have a stock photo and nobody will be any the wiser.

Of course my cunning plan won't work without some insider tips on gardening that only very few VIP gardeners are allowed to know. So I will set it up that to be in this gardening racket you will also need to invite three or more friends so you too can reap the benefits of being in this downline.

When people ask me how I became so wealthy I will just say I planted a money tree and it brought me all this good fortune, but if you would like cuttings well I am going to have to charge you.
But it's worth it I tell you nobody ever became poor from gardening.

But..the people will sputter, mystified how do you do it all, your fingernails are not even dirty! My fingernails are coated with petroleum jelly and I really let the worms and bees do all the work for me. They don't call them worker bees for nothing. And besides the worms love it, I give them scraps and crumbs and they will work for those and not even complain. The secret really is in the soil.

What, not The Secret that I found at the library by Rhonda Bryne?
Uh no not that secret. I could write a book on the real secret. And also sell it and get Oprah to put it in her bookclub, so that millions of gullible americans can read it. But I have standards. Besides that book was a total rip of the Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett.